This chapter has closed. It took a long time to have strength to make the decision to close it but I have gained much and lost nothing, for the love and peace of the LORD prevails strongly in my heart. I know I have made the right decision. BUt it wasn't easy. It was hurtful and painful to end this relationship. And yet right now, HE has calmed the storms in my heart and put the tempests to rest. My heavenly father in all his greatness has bestowed upon me the greatest gift of all. The gift of love. Not just to be loved, but the joy of giving it. Even though the relationship had its tough times, there were many joyous moments amidst the tears. And through it all, I loved the man to the best I could in GOD's love. Love from the world is selfish but love from GOD is selfless. And I am not selfless. I have made some selfish decisions in this relationship, I have sinned against HIM when I cast HIM out at moments. But in all HIS graces, he has forgiven me and drawn me closer. HE taught me to love through James, taught me the meaning of family and made me realise how much i desired a full reconciliation with my family. Throughout all this, HE has been my rock and my foundation and my only mistakes in this relationship were the moments where I lost sight of HIM. The relationship was founded upon the LORD, but soon grew to fuel the selfish desires of 2 individuals, pulling us further away from HIM and yet Satan deceived me, making me think that I was right. Satan convinced me that worldly love could overcome all things but through all this, GOD has taught me one thing. HIS love is the greatest and only a man who truly loves in HIM will understand the greatness of this gift.

I had a revelation today, realising that I'm not as ready as I believed myself to be for the relationship. Love is selfless. Like the love JESUS showed us when HE died on that cross. It knows to be patient and gentle. But I haven't always been, I've lost my temper, flared up and lost control of my tongue. Selfless love honours GOD and I have failed but I'm not perfect and thank GOD that HE is teaching me to change. Molding my heart that I may be a woman of undividedness for HIM.I thank GOD I'm HIS princess despite all my flaws. And today I made a decision to rededicate back to the LORD what has always belonged to HIM, my heart. And until the day that the LORD so chooses to bring me a man to walk corporately with me in glorifying HIM, I will wait. I will sit at HIS feet and bask in HIS graces. Until the day that I become a testimony to the statement that "GOD is my sovereignty, JESUS is all I need," I will make no rash decisions.

For the LORD so loves me and HIS love is all I need.